I'm feeling very random today... My thoughts seem to be dashing through the twistiest, confusingest, most convoluted maze there is.. One minute I'm thinking about Pride and Prejudice or Wives and Daughters or Jane Austen or how I should like to find a nice, oldish kind of book to read and how I should probably start on that Willa Cather book I checked out from the library the other day, the next minute I'm staring listlessly out the window and wondering what tomorrow will be like, and then the next I'm wondering what way I should use to go about counting the stairs (it's either fourteen or sixteen depending on where you start).
O.O
ACK!!
I'm sure that the way I feel probably has absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with the fact I was up 'til about 2 o'clock this morning watching Phantom of the Opera XD ...
I'm beginning to think that this must have been Willy Wonka's constant state of mind, and, I must say, I don't envy him in the slightest.
Friday, June 6, 2008
Thursday, May 29, 2008
Happy Days
What a difference time can make! As I look out the window at the soft sunlight just barely brushing the tops of the trees and watch as the leaves tremble and gently waver in the wispy summer breeze, I have trouble believing that the world could ever have been so dark and stormy as it seemed to be a little over a month ago. Funny how that happens, isn't it?
There's a cute little lady bug resting on broad, green leaf just outside, much like you'd see a frog sunbathing on the middle of a lily-pad. I don't know what to think of ladybugs. Sometimes I think that they're such darling, quaint little creatures, but there are others when I only find them irritating and, well, buggy. Speaking of bugs, I saw the cutest little bumblebee buzzing around this morning while I was eating breakfast, and I don't mean little in a general sense. She was so tiny! She couldn't have been but about the size of a nickel, I swear. I could scarce believe my eyes as I watched her. But there she was, alternatively zipping and hovering as she made her rounds about the flower box. I don't believe I've ever noticed how similar a bee's flight is to a helicopter's before...
Isn't nature such a beautiful testimony to the greatness of our Creator? Bees can naturally hover and dart and glide and zip, but it took thousands of years for man to figure out how to replicate those movements in the helicopter, and you have to admit that the chunky metal contraption we've created isn't half as attractive as the black and yellow bumble bee with a perpetual bedhead. Go figure.
There's a cute little lady bug resting on broad, green leaf just outside, much like you'd see a frog sunbathing on the middle of a lily-pad. I don't know what to think of ladybugs. Sometimes I think that they're such darling, quaint little creatures, but there are others when I only find them irritating and, well, buggy. Speaking of bugs, I saw the cutest little bumblebee buzzing around this morning while I was eating breakfast, and I don't mean little in a general sense. She was so tiny! She couldn't have been but about the size of a nickel, I swear. I could scarce believe my eyes as I watched her. But there she was, alternatively zipping and hovering as she made her rounds about the flower box. I don't believe I've ever noticed how similar a bee's flight is to a helicopter's before...
Isn't nature such a beautiful testimony to the greatness of our Creator? Bees can naturally hover and dart and glide and zip, but it took thousands of years for man to figure out how to replicate those movements in the helicopter, and you have to admit that the chunky metal contraption we've created isn't half as attractive as the black and yellow bumble bee with a perpetual bedhead. Go figure.
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
A Song for My Heart
(*CAUTION* DOOM and GLOOM ahead)
This is one of those days that I wish I knew how to play the piano... and I mean knew how to REALLY play. To pour my heart and soul out into the music; to let the notes say what I can scarcely say myself; to disappear into a world of harmony and chords where all the troubles in my little world aren't allowed to follow; to write a song for my heart.
I feel confused, listless, worthless, and more than a little weepy. In one word: depressed. Not the 'I feel like jumping off a bridge cuz my life is so horrible' depressed; I'm just moody and sorrowful.
I can't focus on anything; my thoughts are scattered from here to Manitoba and caught in all the alleyways, nooks, and crannies in between. But I suppose it's only natural. After all, I'm depressed (and cynical as always it seems *sighs bleakly*).
My great-grandma is dying...Mama's not going to be able to go to CO for the weekend...I'm falling farther and farther behind in school...Spring training for volleyball is eating up more than just a little of my time...I have two major essays and a Spanish project due soon that I've barely started on...I go to bed early but always wake up tired...My life seems to be falling apart before my very eyes...I choke on the tears that I can never seem to cry...
I'm alone.
I think I understand how the Psalmist felt when he cried, "Why do You stand afar off, O LORD? / Why do You hide in times of trouble?" (Ps. 10:1).
And yet, somehow, HE is here, no matter how very far away He seems to be...
1 How long, O LORD? Will You forget me forever?
How long will You hide Your face from me?
2 How long shall I take counsel in my soul,
Having sorrow in my heart daily?
How long will my enemy be exalted over me?
3 Consider and hear me, O LORD my God;
Enlighten my eyes,
Lest I sleep the sleep of death;
4 Lest my enemy say,
“I have prevailed against him”;
Lest those who trouble me rejoice when I am moved.
5 But I have trusted in Your mercy;
My heart shall rejoice in Your salvation.
6 I will sing to the LORD,
Because He has dealt bountifully with me. (--Psalm 13)
I guess that there is a song for my heart...
I may still be in the stuck in the first two verses (and may be stuck there for a while), but the Psalm doesn't end with despair; it ends with hope.
There will be a dawn...
I just don't know when.
This is one of those days that I wish I knew how to play the piano... and I mean knew how to REALLY play. To pour my heart and soul out into the music; to let the notes say what I can scarcely say myself; to disappear into a world of harmony and chords where all the troubles in my little world aren't allowed to follow; to write a song for my heart.
I feel confused, listless, worthless, and more than a little weepy. In one word: depressed. Not the 'I feel like jumping off a bridge cuz my life is so horrible' depressed; I'm just moody and sorrowful.
I can't focus on anything; my thoughts are scattered from here to Manitoba and caught in all the alleyways, nooks, and crannies in between. But I suppose it's only natural. After all, I'm depressed (and cynical as always it seems *sighs bleakly*).
My great-grandma is dying...Mama's not going to be able to go to CO for the weekend...I'm falling farther and farther behind in school...Spring training for volleyball is eating up more than just a little of my time...I have two major essays and a Spanish project due soon that I've barely started on...I go to bed early but always wake up tired...My life seems to be falling apart before my very eyes...I choke on the tears that I can never seem to cry...
I'm alone.
I think I understand how the Psalmist felt when he cried, "Why do You stand afar off, O LORD? / Why do You hide in times of trouble?" (Ps. 10:1).
And yet, somehow, HE is here, no matter how very far away He seems to be...
1 How long, O LORD? Will You forget me forever?
How long will You hide Your face from me?
2 How long shall I take counsel in my soul,
Having sorrow in my heart daily?
How long will my enemy be exalted over me?
3 Consider and hear me, O LORD my God;
Enlighten my eyes,
Lest I sleep the sleep of death;
4 Lest my enemy say,
“I have prevailed against him”;
Lest those who trouble me rejoice when I am moved.
5 But I have trusted in Your mercy;
My heart shall rejoice in Your salvation.
6 I will sing to the LORD,
Because He has dealt bountifully with me. (--Psalm 13)
I guess that there is a song for my heart...
I may still be in the stuck in the first two verses (and may be stuck there for a while), but the Psalm doesn't end with despair; it ends with hope.
There will be a dawn...
I just don't know when.
Thursday, February 14, 2008
Valentine's Day...
Happy Valentine's Day, ya'll!
Or, for those of you who aren't very fond of the holiday, I hope you make it through 'Single Awareness Day' with "as little pain to trouble you as God sees fit to send".
I'm afraid I'm among the Valentine's Day cynics. I don't particularly care for all this "lovey-dovey nonsense". I guess part of it comes from my school days (the one's spent in an actually school building, that is). It was always difficult to watch the other girls get special gifts and whatnot while I, well, didn't. All I got was a bag full of candy that I didn't like and a bunch of little corny Valentines with random pictures on them. >.< If it was bad then, I can't imagine what it would be like now if I was still in school. I'd prolly go completely bonkers XD
Of course, my aversion to Valentine's Day would probably be significantly lessened if not completely reversed if I happened to have a significant other to share it with. =P Which brings me to something I've been wondering for some time... Do girls give their boyfriends stuff on Valentine's Day? And if they do, what are they supposed to get? Because I seriously can't see this happening:
JILL: *is hiding something behind her back* Okay, Bill, close your eyes! I've got a surprise for you!
BILL: *claps hands* Ooooh, I love surprises! *obediently closes eyes*
JILL places GIFT in BILL'S hands: *giggles* Alright, you can open them now!
BILL opens his eyes and examines GIFT: Oh my gosh! A fluffy plush teddy bear holding a heart! How adorable! I love it to pieces! Wherever did you find such a darling stuffed animal?! *hugs JILL*
Instead, it would probably happen more like this:
JILL: *is hiding something behind her back* Okay, Bill, close your eyes! I've got a surprise for you!
BILL: Um, ookaaaay... *apprehensively closes eyes*
JILL places GIFT in BILL'S hands: *giggles* Alright, you can open them now!
BILL slowly opens his eyes and examines GIFT: Um, a teddy bear...with a heart... Thanks, JILL.*tries to look appreciative*
JILL gets teary-eyed: Don't you like it? *lower lip trembles*
BILL: Uh, yeah. I mean, it's the thought that counts, right?
JILL bursts into tears: You hate it, don't you?
BILL tries to comfort JILL: No, no, no! That's not it...exactly...
JILL sniffs: Exactly? Exactly?! I shop around for weeks and weeks to find the perfect Valentine's gift, and all I get is an 'I don't exactly hate it'?! *runs away sobbing*
(two days later, BILL and JILL have broken up)
So, if you can't get a guy a cute bear, what do you get him? I mean, there's nothing else to be found in Hallmark...
*deeply ponders the weighty matter before becoming distracted by something else*
Or, for those of you who aren't very fond of the holiday, I hope you make it through 'Single Awareness Day' with "as little pain to trouble you as God sees fit to send".
I'm afraid I'm among the Valentine's Day cynics. I don't particularly care for all this "lovey-dovey nonsense". I guess part of it comes from my school days (the one's spent in an actually school building, that is). It was always difficult to watch the other girls get special gifts and whatnot while I, well, didn't. All I got was a bag full of candy that I didn't like and a bunch of little corny Valentines with random pictures on them. >.< If it was bad then, I can't imagine what it would be like now if I was still in school. I'd prolly go completely bonkers XD
Of course, my aversion to Valentine's Day would probably be significantly lessened if not completely reversed if I happened to have a significant other to share it with. =P Which brings me to something I've been wondering for some time... Do girls give their boyfriends stuff on Valentine's Day? And if they do, what are they supposed to get? Because I seriously can't see this happening:
JILL: *is hiding something behind her back* Okay, Bill, close your eyes! I've got a surprise for you!
BILL: *claps hands* Ooooh, I love surprises! *obediently closes eyes*
JILL places GIFT in BILL'S hands: *giggles* Alright, you can open them now!
BILL opens his eyes and examines GIFT: Oh my gosh! A fluffy plush teddy bear holding a heart! How adorable! I love it to pieces! Wherever did you find such a darling stuffed animal?! *hugs JILL*
Instead, it would probably happen more like this:
JILL: *is hiding something behind her back* Okay, Bill, close your eyes! I've got a surprise for you!
BILL: Um, ookaaaay... *apprehensively closes eyes*
JILL places GIFT in BILL'S hands: *giggles* Alright, you can open them now!
BILL slowly opens his eyes and examines GIFT: Um, a teddy bear...with a heart... Thanks, JILL.*tries to look appreciative*
JILL gets teary-eyed: Don't you like it? *lower lip trembles*
BILL: Uh, yeah. I mean, it's the thought that counts, right?
JILL bursts into tears: You hate it, don't you?
BILL tries to comfort JILL: No, no, no! That's not it...exactly...
JILL sniffs: Exactly? Exactly?! I shop around for weeks and weeks to find the perfect Valentine's gift, and all I get is an 'I don't exactly hate it'?! *runs away sobbing*
(two days later, BILL and JILL have broken up)
So, if you can't get a guy a cute bear, what do you get him? I mean, there's nothing else to be found in Hallmark...
*deeply ponders the weighty matter before becoming distracted by something else*
Saturday, February 9, 2008
not enough butter..
I feel very dull and uninspired. Sleepy, sluggish, and stupid too. "Like butter scraped over too much bread" to borrow a quote from Bilbo. I spent I don't know how long trying to pull together an essay this afternoon and only managed to overwork my poor little brain. There's only so much that I can take...
I hate it when the millions of little thoughts rattling around inside my head can't seem to be able to translate themselves onto paper. >.< It's one of the most frustrating things in the whole wide world to my way of thinking. I suppose I should just stop trying to force myself to write and sleep on it.
Hm, now there's an idea...
*is brilliant*
I hate it when the millions of little thoughts rattling around inside my head can't seem to be able to translate themselves onto paper. >.< It's one of the most frustrating things in the whole wide world to my way of thinking. I suppose I should just stop trying to force myself to write and sleep on it.
Hm, now there's an idea...
*is brilliant*
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