Willy Wonka

I'm feeling very random today... My thoughts seem to be dashing through the twistiest, confusingest, most convoluted maze there is.. One minute I'm thinking about Pride and Prejudice or Wives and Daughters or Jane Austen or how I should like to find a nice, oldish kind of book to read and how I should probably start on that Willa Cather book I checked out from the library the other day, the next minute I'm staring listlessly out the window and wondering what tomorrow will be like, and then the next I'm wondering what way I should use to go about counting the stairs (it's either fourteen or sixteen depending on where you start).

O.O

ACK!!

I'm sure that the way I feel probably has absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with the fact I was up 'til about 2 o'clock this morning watching Phantom of the Opera XD ...

I'm beginning to think that this must have been Willy Wonka's constant state of mind, and, I must say, I don't envy him in the slightest.

Happy Days

What a difference time can make! As I look out the window at the soft sunlight just barely brushing the tops of the trees and watch as the leaves tremble and gently waver in the wispy summer breeze, I have trouble believing that the world could ever have been so dark and stormy as it seemed to be a little over a month ago. Funny how that happens, isn't it?

There's a cute little lady bug resting on broad, green leaf just outside, much like you'd see a frog sunbathing on the middle of a lily-pad. I don't know what to think of ladybugs. Sometimes I think that they're such darling, quaint little creatures, but there are others when I only find them irritating and, well, buggy. Speaking of bugs, I saw the cutest little bumblebee buzzing around this morning while I was eating breakfast, and I don't mean little in a general sense. She was so tiny! She couldn't have been but about the size of a nickel, I swear. I could scarce believe my eyes as I watched her. But there she was, alternatively zipping and hovering as she made her rounds about the flower box. I don't believe I've ever noticed how similar a bee's flight is to a helicopter's before...

Isn't nature such a beautiful testimony to the greatness of our Creator? Bees can naturally hover and dart and glide and zip, but it took thousands of years for man to figure out how to replicate those movements in the helicopter, and you have to admit that the chunky metal contraption we've created isn't half as attractive as the black and yellow bumble bee with a perpetual bedhead. Go figure.

A Song for My Heart

(*CAUTION* DOOM and GLOOM ahead)

This is one of those days that I wish I knew how to play the piano... and I mean knew how to REALLY play. To pour my heart and soul out into the music; to let the notes say what I can scarcely say myself; to disappear into a world of harmony and chords where all the troubles in my little world aren't allowed to follow; to write a song for my heart.

I feel confused, listless, worthless, and more than a little weepy. In one word: depressed. Not the 'I feel like jumping off a bridge cuz my life is so horrible' depressed; I'm just moody and sorrowful.

I can't focus on anything; my thoughts are scattered from here to Manitoba and caught in all the alleyways, nooks, and crannies in between. But I suppose it's only natural. After all, I'm depressed (and cynical as always it seems *sighs bleakly*).

My great-grandma is dying...Mama's not going to be able to go to CO for the weekend...I'm falling farther and farther behind in school...Spring training for volleyball is eating up more than just a little of my time...I have two major essays and a Spanish project due soon that I've barely started on...I go to bed early but always wake up tired...My life seems to be falling apart before my very eyes...I choke on the tears that I can never seem to cry...

I'm alone.

I think I understand how the Psalmist felt when he cried, "Why do You stand afar off, O LORD? / Why do You hide in times of trouble?" (Ps. 10:1).

And yet, somehow, HE is here, no matter how very far away He seems to be...

1 How long, O LORD? Will You forget me forever?
How long will You hide Your face from me?
2 How long shall I take counsel in my soul,
Having sorrow in my heart daily?
How long will my enemy be exalted over me?

3 Consider and hear me, O LORD my God;
Enlighten my eyes,
Lest I sleep the sleep of death;
4 Lest my enemy say,
“I have prevailed against him”;
Lest those who trouble me rejoice when I am moved.

5 But I have trusted in Your mercy;
My heart shall rejoice in Your salvation.
6 I will sing to the LORD,
Because He has dealt bountifully with me. (--Psalm 13)

I guess that there is a song for my heart...

I may still be in the stuck in the first two verses (and may be stuck there for a while), but the Psalm doesn't end with despair; it ends with hope.

There will be a dawn...

I just don't know when.

Valentine's Day...

Happy Valentine's Day, ya'll!
Or, for those of you who aren't very fond of the holiday, I hope you make it through 'Single Awareness Day' with "as little pain to trouble you as God sees fit to send".

I'm afraid I'm among the Valentine's Day cynics. I don't particularly care for all this "lovey-dovey nonsense". I guess part of it comes from my school days (the one's spent in an actually school building, that is). It was always difficult to watch the other girls get special gifts and whatnot while I, well, didn't. All I got was a bag full of candy that I didn't like and a bunch of little corny Valentines with random pictures on them. >.< If it was bad then, I can't imagine what it would be like now if I was still in school. I'd prolly go completely bonkers XD

Of course, my aversion to Valentine's Day would probably be significantly lessened if not completely reversed if I happened to have a significant other to share it with. =P Which brings me to something I've been wondering for some time... Do girls give their boyfriends stuff on Valentine's Day? And if they do, what are they supposed to get? Because I seriously can't see this happening:
JILL: *is hiding something behind her back* Okay, Bill, close your eyes! I've got a surprise for you!
BILL: *claps hands* Ooooh, I love surprises! *obediently closes eyes*
JILL places GIFT in BILL'S hands: *giggles* Alright, you can open them now!
BILL opens his eyes and examines GIFT: Oh my gosh! A fluffy plush teddy bear holding a heart! How adorable! I love it to pieces! Wherever did you find such a darling stuffed animal?! *hugs JILL*

Instead, it would probably happen more like this:
JILL: *is hiding something behind her back* Okay, Bill, close your eyes! I've got a surprise for you!
BILL: Um, ookaaaay... *apprehensively closes eyes*
JILL places GIFT in BILL'S hands: *giggles* Alright, you can open them now!
BILL slowly opens his eyes and examines GIFT: Um, a teddy bear...with a heart... Thanks, JILL.*tries to look appreciative*
JILL gets teary-eyed: Don't you like it? *lower lip trembles*
BILL: Uh, yeah. I mean, it's the thought that counts, right?
JILL bursts into tears: You hate it, don't you?
BILL tries to comfort JILL: No, no, no! That's not it...exactly...
JILL sniffs: Exactly? Exactly?! I shop around for weeks and weeks to find the perfect Valentine's gift, and all I get is an 'I don't exactly hate it'?! *runs away sobbing*
(two days later, BILL and JILL have broken up)

So, if you can't get a guy a cute bear, what do you get him? I mean, there's nothing else to be found in Hallmark...

*deeply ponders the weighty matter before becoming distracted by something else*

not enough butter..

I feel very dull and uninspired. Sleepy, sluggish, and stupid too. "Like butter scraped over too much bread" to borrow a quote from Bilbo. I spent I don't know how long trying to pull together an essay this afternoon and only managed to overwork my poor little brain. There's only so much that I can take...

I hate it when the millions of little thoughts rattling around inside my head can't seem to be able to translate themselves onto paper. >.< It's one of the most frustrating things in the whole wide world to my way of thinking. I suppose I should just stop trying to force myself to write and sleep on it.

Hm, now there's an idea...

*is brilliant*

of all things lovely...

I think I know what it feels like to be old as dirt and sick as a dog, now.

Thanks to my lovely sinus drainage courtesy of my wisdom teeth-removal-type-thingy, I'm now coughing and hacking like I'm a hundred and forty-five million years old. >.< It's very annoying. Particularly when I'm in the middle of a sentence and all of a sudden I go *cough* *cough* *wheeeze* *cough* *cooooouuugghhhh*. Frightfully embarrassing it is, too. Good thing I mostly breathe through my nose.... Otherwise I might be doing that constantly.

Anywheez... (ha, get it? any-"wheeze" =P....*crickets*)

It's a lovely morning over here today... The sun's touching everything with this perfectly enchanting gold, and there's hardly a cloud to be seen; the sky's a light, breathy kind of blue...sorta like a robin's egg come to think of it. I think I might have to bundle up and settle down on the porch swing for a little while...

Mother Nature beckons.

wisdom teeth

I think 'D-Day' should stand for 'dental-day' or something like that. If it did, I'd officially label yesterday as 'D-Day'... Why, you ask? Well, it just so happens that yesterday I got my wisdom teeth out. Both of them. On the top row. All two of them. Out.

I woke up at about 8ish that morning...no, that was when my alarm went off...that means I didn't get up 'til about 8:15ish :P I was on strict orders not to eat or drink anything (the fast began at midnight, but i'm not one to have midnight snakes and such, so that wasn't a problem ^.^). And I couldn't have forgotten even if I'd wanted to. My precious mum must've reminded me over a hundred times about no food or water, making me daydream about eating delicious goodies and drinking gallons upon gallons of water all the more. I mean, I rarely ever think about eating in the morning, but I just couldn't get my mind off of it! That left little time to think about the surgery (i wasn't the least bit apprehensive praise be to God).

We left the house at about 9:15 and got to the little-office-jigger about five or ten minutes early. The waiting room smelled really funny... And I wonder if their TV is hi-definition b/c the reporters' faces on CNN looked really...well, close. It wasn't at all attractive... Anywho, after sitting in there for a couple of minutes (i never really even got the chance to crack open my book...), the receptionist lady called us back to go over paperwork and what-not... Actually, to be completely honest, I don't really know what she was doing with Mom and Dad...I wasn't paying that much attention =P Anyways, then this tiny nurse with a pink gown-type-thingy on came and took me back to the 'operating room'. She was funny. I don't remember quite what it was that she said...all I remember was that she had me giggling a lot ^_^ I do remember that she was wearing those awful fake teeth when she came to get me...'twas quite comical. She looped her arm in mine and skipped down the hallway. Yes, she was very funny. The other thing I remember was that she was an Alabama fan. In fact, I think just about everybody that works there is...including the head-doctor-type-person. That was about the most nervous I got, knowing that the people who would be cutting into my mouth were Bama fans =P Then they hooked me up to all these monitors and other wonderful machines. I was slightly disappointed that they were all behind me...I like looking at the numbers and stuff and figuring out what it all means... I guess I'm just weird that way XD

Anywho, Doctor Parker finally came in just as I was starting to get a wee-bit uncomfortable with all those lovely wires and such. We exchanged a few words, then he popped an iv into my arm (the only shot i got the whole time...well, when i was conscious that is). He said I'd probably drop off to sleep in a minute or two. The cute little nurse said good-night and told me to have sweet dreams, and I think I nodded or something, but I'm not sure. I leaned my head back on the headrest-thingy and looked up at the movable light-type-thing. It kinda started to swirl around and change colors and stuff; the ceiling started to move...(that was probable the most fascinating part of the whole experience). Then the next thing I know, this other nurse that I'm pretty sure wasn't there before was helping me stand up. I remember staggering up the hall and out the door; I barely remember getting into the car.

After that, my memory goes blank. Mom told me that I said that as soon as I got home, I wanted to 'blog all this so that I wouldn't forget'. Ha! She also said that when we pulled into the drive-way, I glanced at the milkshake we'd gotten from a drive-through and asked her if we'd gone to Sonic (we had...i just can't remember it for the life of me!).

The next thing I remember was walking into the laundry room via the garage. I don't recollect getting out of the car; just walking through the door. My legs were like jelly; I kept teetering from side to side like a drunk person as I slowly made my way to the couch in the living room. Since I'm not allowed to use a straw and I wasn't in any shape to get it into my mouth myself, mom had to spoon-feed me. How embarrassing! But yes, it's true... And the weird thing was that she kept sprouting extra eyes and heads, and the spoon kept multiplying and dividing. My brain was doing some weird things! Then, of course, my tongue was still numb and fat, so I talked with a slur and I couldn't ever tell when the dumb spoon was in my mouth >.<

After what seemed like an eternity, I finally finished the cold, vanilla-y milkshake. I spent the rest of the afternoon watching Disney movies and eating as much as I could get my hands on XD I don't recall everything I ate, but it was a lot, let me tell ya =P

My only complaint thus far is of a slightly over-attentive nurse...(haha, luv ya, Mom!)

Thank you all for your prayers...
OH! And thanks for the lovely e-card, Uncle Paul, Auntie Kim, Garrett, and Matt! I enjoyed it ever so much...

Superbowl Sunday

Well, one of the most anticipated events of the year has finally transpired. People all across America settled down for roughly four hours with their favorite snack on their favorite couch with their favorite friends to watch the biggest game of their favorite sport: *cues the music* SuPeRbOwL ILII *tada*

...

Of course, I wasn't one of them (seriously. excepting for the favorite snack, favorite couch, and the not-quite-my-favorite-sport-but-I-still-enjoy-watching-it type thing...). In fact, I'd already forgotten that we hadn't had a superbowl already. *gaspeth* The horror! But 'tis all too true... I was actually slightly surprised when my brother brought up the topic this morning... But then again, I've never really kept up with pro-football that much. *shrugs*

However, I did watch the game. All of it. Which is quite a feat, let me tell you. I normally can't sit through an entire college game, let alone a pro one. And I knew who was playing before we turned the tv on. *beams proudly* AND I knew who I was gonna root for. *beams proudlier still*

I was Giants all the way (i mean, i couldn't go against a manning brother...). In fact, I think I actually got pretty excited a couple of times (which, btw, is pretty rare also)...

I'm super happy that New York won... I know it might not come across that way, but I am--on the inside (you know, 'ka-ra-te man, happy on inside'? =P). I would never admit it to my brother, though, so let's keep this between you and me, k? =P

I can already sniff the makings of a movie... I mean, who doesn't like a story like that? (ie underdog beats big dog even after big dog laughs in little dog's face)

Tom Brady was HIGHLY amused when he was told that a Giants player had predicted a New York victory...

I wonder who's laughing now?

an update? really?

Sorry for the lack of updates...my crazy/busy life hasn't allowed me much time to get on the internet. My Louisville trip was wonderful... I have a 'post in process' for it, but I don't feel like finishing/don't have time to finish it right now... I'll try to get it done soon =D

We went up to Jonesboro, GA for David's basketball game this afternoon. They lost, but David played really well. I was a very proud big sister ^_^ Everybody kept commenting on how tall he was...and then gawking at me when they figured out how tall I was.

Which brings me to what I've kinda been thinking about lately: why does being 6 feet tall bother me so much?

I'm not really sure to be completely honest. It doesn't really have anything to do with the fact that the showerheads in almost every hotel bathroom are too short, or that people always think I'm in college (which is actually kinda cool ^_^) .

I think it has something to do with the fact that I don't like to stand out of the crowd; I'm afraid of being different.

I don't like it when people stare at me when I walk into the room. I don't like it when people talk about me when they think I can't hear. And I especially don't like it when people make smart comments about my height and weight/lack-thereof (ie "It should be illegal for you to wear heels", "You're so skinny, when you walk into the room you look more like 6'7" than 6'," ect)

The root of the issue lies with my fear of man. If I always had my eyes set on God, I wouldn't/shouldn't care about what anybody says. He made me who I am; I should be content. But I'm not, and that's the problem.

walkin' in a winter wonderland...

You know how just the other day I said that the sleet that collected on our roof was the most white I'd see for a looooong time?


Well, I was wrong...


IT SNOWED THIS MORNING!!!!!
(I know that it doesn't look like much in the pictures, but there actually was a lot...it just got thicker after they got taken =P)

Yes, here in the heart of Dixie where the temperatures had been in the 70's only a week ago. How cool is that? Granted, it wasn't exactly the perfect fine, powdery stuff that falls up north, but it was good enough for us ^.^

When I looked out the window this morning, I couldn't believe my eyes! What had been rain only moments before was now a torrent of tiny snowflakes whirling around in a gusty, wintry gale. David and I were outside before you could say "Jack Robinson". For a while we just wandered about our yard in a daze (what was all this white stuff falling from the sky? =P), not to mention ecstasy (i performed a happy dance or two and caught snowflakes on my tongue); then I started to get cold and ran inside to fetch some gloves. Which, of course, turned into pulling on a vest to put under my jacket and retrieving a scarf from my room in addition to my original errand. That done, I ran to get a football from the garage and David & I threw it around for a little while. Well, he threw; I tried. I can't get my hands around that ball without gloves on, let alone with!
(we didn't realize that the camera actually recorded sound LOL)

And then, of course, came the classic snowball fight. I clambered up onto the deck and bombarded David with snowballs from above while he pelted me with them from below. He cheated, though. Whenever I threw a really nice, big snowball he would always catch it, add the remains to his snowball, and hurl it back up at me. Not fair! =P

After about two hours of a beautiful winter wonderland, the falling snow turned into a nasty mixture of rain and sleet. By this evening, any trace of whiteness had disappeared and been replaced with transparent slushiness.

Only the lonely snowmen remain...

baby, it's cold outside...

IT'S ACTUALLY COLD OUTSIDE!!!! *happy dance* This is the first time that it's really felt like January. I mean, it's about time that we stopped having 70 degree weather, dontcha think? In fact, it was cold enough this morning for it to start sleeting! Some of it gathered in the folds/creases/corners/whateveryou'resupposedtocall'ums of our roof, creating shallow blankets--*cough* very Very VERY shallow--of whiteness--albeit a rather dirty shade--that stood in sharp contrast to the black of the roof. That's probably the most white I'm gonna see together for a long time =P

I don't know what it is about cool weather that I like... However, I happen to have a sneaking suspicion that it might possibly have to do with the fact that I hate oppressive, humid weather with a passion =P There are other reasons as well, of course =D I love how the sky seems clearer and bluer than ever before, and how it looks almost as if it has been newly starched and ironed out. I love how you can almost hear the air crinkling like wrapping paper. And I guess I just like the crisp, nippy wind that bites through your clothes and makes your cheeks flush and your eyes sparkle. The only downside is your nose turns a beautiful shade of bright, cherry red. Or at least, mine does anyway.. =P

Oh yay, it's raining again. *sighs* Isn't it such a lovely thing to be lulled to sleep by the constant tapping of raindrops on your windowpane? They always seems to be drumming out a beautiful lullaby of some kind, one that was once known but has since been forgotten. If only I could catch the words...

my life is cold, and dark, and dreary...

*sighs deeply* I feel so depressed right now, so....drained.

I just finished (okay, not just, but you get the point =P) an essay for which I had absolutely no inspiration. Nothing. Zilch. Notta. Do you know how discouraging that is?! I wrote, but I just couldn't immerse myself in it. All my sentences ring hollow in my ears. They seem to be so mechanical and contrived.... BLECH! I guess part of it was the topic. How much fun can a person have when the question you have to answer is: Is war never justifiable?

NONE!! Absobolyflippin'lutely none whatsoever!! Cero! Zilch! Notta! At least, according to my oh-so-humble opinion, that is.

Anywho, it's time I stopped ranting....and making up/repeating the same words to describe my ranting-ness =P
-----------------
The day is cold, and dark, and dreary;
It rains,and the wind is never weary;
The vine still clings to the mouldering wall,
But at every gust the dead leaves fall,
And the day is dark and dreary.

My life is cold, and dark, and dreary;
It rains,and the wind is never weary;
My thoughts still cling to the mouldering past,
But the hopes of youth fall thick in the blast,
And the days are dark and dreary.

Be still, sad heart, and cease repining;
Behind the clouds is the sun still shining;
Thy fate is the common fate of all,
Into each life some rain must fall,
Some days must be dark and dreary.

~Henry Wadsworth Longfellow -- "The Rainy Day"

raindrops are fallin' on my head...

Raindrops are pitter-pattering on my window right now... *sighs* Isn't rain such a lovely thing? It makes me want to curl up on a window seat, crack open the window, and settle down with a soft, fuzzy blanket and a good book. Well, either that or run outside and do my own rendition of singin' in the rain =P

I'm not entirely sure why I like rain so much... It makes my hair frizzy, my dog gets wet, the ground (which i will inevitably sit on, usually by accident, sometimes by choice) gets icky and soggy, and the weather channel gloats over the fact that they actually predicted something right for once. There's just something about it that I can't quite put my finger on... The colors are brighter and more vivid... Everything seems to be washed clean. Rain can be either a calm, soothing monotony that causes one to give a dreamy sigh and murmur: "It's raining..."; or it can be an exhilarating experience that makes one throw one's head back and cry: "It's raining!" And water falls from the sky! Have you ever thought about how amazing that is? I wonder if that's where somebody got the idea for the showerhead...

There was lightning earlier, but things seemed to have settled down a bit. That's one of the best parts of a thunderstorm (excepting, of course, the wind, rain, and thunder =P). Seeing those bolts streak across the sky is simply breathtaking and, well, electrifying... Have you ever wondered why while the lightning bolt is white, the sky lights up blue? And why does the air always tingle when it strikes? And how come it has to disappear so quickly? I know that I could probably think of some plausible, scientific explanation for all that if I actually took the time to, but that would somehow detract from the magic of the experience...

if wishes were fishes...

I wish that this place had a big, fancy, loopy font. You know, kinda like the way all those people used to write ages and ages ago. Maybe there is a font like that and I just missed it... That's always a major possibility...I kinda doubt it, though... But who am I to complain? Somebody worked hard to put all this together, and there's no way I could remotely come close to producing the same results. Computers and I don't get along very well. I wonder if it has anything to do with me always threatening to smash it to pieces...XD I probably wouldn't appreciate it if somebody was always talking to me like that =P

Anywho...

I'm not quite sure what to say. Other people make this look so easy... I mean, I barely have anything to say when I'm talking to you face to face! It's even harder holding a one-sided conversation with the computer screen =P I guess the reason that I'm at a loss for words is that I don't quite know what to make of blogging. Cuz it's like a journal in that I write about what I've been doing/going through/feeling/thinking about, but since anyone and everyone can read it, I'm slightly hampered in the depth of my writing. I don't think I'm confident enough in myself to share all my little secrets... =P There's always the chance that I might drop a few, though XD

Ohhh, guess what?! Well, I suppose you never will, so I'll tell you =P

God did something awesome today. You see, my neighbor called to see if I could babysit for her tomorrow night. Well, I've been having some...issues with her, and I was terrified of going back. So when I was giving her a call back to tell her that 'I was sorry, but I was afraid that she would have to find someone else to go over', I prayed and asked God to give me the right words to say if she asked why I couldn't do it (I wasn't very keen on telling her the real reason seeing as how it would in all probability put a damper on our relationship). In fact, it would be amazing if she just wouldn't answer and I only had to leave a message. And guess what? I got her voicemail! Relief, thankfulness, awe, and incredulousness washed over me all at once...I don't think I can aptly describe it.. I've never had such an immediate answer to prayer before...

Goodness, is this me being at a loss for words? O.O Wow... I wouldn't want to see me when I actually have something to say =P Anyways, it's getting to be on the latish side of my bedtime, so I guess I should wrap this up... hm....how exactly does one go about doing that that? *scratches her head thoughtfully*

Goodnight! *waves*

(there, i guess that'll do ^.^)